A love letter for the boys.

This is the longest I’ve been single.

But wait, don’t feel sorry for me just yet. Yeah I’m talking to you. I know you’re about to go, “Awwwww…,” and them pat me on the back.
No, actually these past few months have given me time to see the other important parts of my day that I’ve always taken for granted. Before this, they were just.. there. They merely existed, to get me though the day. And now I also see how much I’ve changed. I am not the same person I was a year ago, two years ago, and even more five years ago. I’ve changed so much, I wouldn’t even recognize myself.

And I realize that I wouldn’t be this kind of person, this better version of myself, without the influence of my companions over the years. Sure, they made me cry. They made me mad, and upset. It’s easier to blame them and to remember them for the things that went wrong. But now, looking back, I guess a lot of things went right, too.
I’m going to take a little trip to the past, and try to see things from the other side of the fence: not from where things ended and remembering things that I lost, but from the point of view that I started becoming a better person, and that I had everything to gain.

My past companions, who I’ve learned so much from.
To be fair, I’m going to list them in non-chronological order, and disguise their names using Greek mythology characters (just for the fun of it). I love ancient stuff like Greek and Egyptian mythology, their characters are just so surreal


Yes, we all know who he is. The god of war. He is known for engaging in battle and manly courage. In reality, this one wasn’t always so violent. He had a softer side to him. And from him, I learned a lot. Probably the most. With him, I learned to be compassionate (I was the ice queen in the relationship). I learned to sacrifice, for the greater good. Or better yet, to sacrifice for the good of my friends.
He, too was inhumanly intelligent. He is very passionate about everything that he cares about. And he had great courage, he stood his ground when he had an opinion, and I think that was really cool. He was also very reliable. He didn’t have any of that self-esteem issues (that I admit, I have a SLIGHT problem dealing with).
Most of those things are the exact opposite of who I was, and watching him be all those things was incredible. I never knew anyone so royal, so willing. Doing anything and everything just for the sake of it, and not expecting something in return.
Because of him, I would like to think that I am slightly more giving, less expectant of something in return. He has made me a better person by showing me that good deeds are well rewarded, in what way and when, we never know. But what counts is your intention to help. That, only that, and nothing else.
Although things didn’t end well with us, I’m glad that he’s not at war with me anymore. He was an AMAZING best friend, and (dare I write it here) I miss him. He was a great best friend. A great companion.

And just so you know, Ares, you are the reason that I could finish my college education. Maybe you didn’t realize it, but when we first met, I was actually going through a really hard time. YOU were the only thing that kept me sane.


A boy who fell in love with his own reflection.
From this mortal, I learned many things that I wouldn’t have figured out on my own. I learned that it is important to love yourself, sometimes more than other people. That it is okay to do what you want when you want to, regardless of what other people think. Although that may have come from the fact that he was slightly in love with himself. No one is gonna love you more than yourself, so treat yourself well, don’t force yourself to do something just for the sake of other people. Just say no.
Its also important to have ambition and carry them out, to have perseverance ito do what must be done. To aim sky high, and then sacrifice, sweat and blood, to get it.

He was incredibly intelligent and ambitious. More than most. That’s what made him so charming.


The Greek god of the sun, and of healing.
This is the one companion that I have the most most in common with. In fact, we still contact each other. In times of need, he is the one I come to. He is my healer, my most trusted advisor. In him I have found a best friend, a brother, a guardian. And sometimes, we are so alike that I think we might be siblings from another life.
There isn’t many things that he doesn’t know about me. And I owe him so much. If you are reading this right now, please know that I owe you my sanity. The very reason that I can smile in the morning, including the day that I am writing this post, is because of you. Over and over again, you have healed my broken heart, even if you didn’t realize it at the time. And even when I didn’t have a heart anymore, you still managed to make me smile. And in the darkest hours, the most recent and life-shattering moment, you were that light at the end of my tunnel. You are indeed the sun god in my life.

“Oh, these times are hard, don’t give up on me, baby.”


Yes, this is the dude that started it all. He is the one who set the standard for everyone that came after him. In terms of brains AND brawn. Yep, this dude had the whole package.
I met him in my 2nd year of high school, and was SMITTENED. He is in fact, the reason that I agreed to go to ITBĀ  in the first place (although I never told him that). For him, I willingly left the city I grew up in, leaving everything and everyone I ever knew behind me.
And from this Greek god, I learned how to be mature. To accept things for the way they really are: reality. I realised that you plan and you plan, but things don’t necessarily go the way you want it to. Take things in stride, study as hard as you can, go out and see the world. That you have to be brave and try new things because if not, where you stand is the only place you’re ever gonna go.
He taught me to think logically in every situation, and put your feelings aside to solve the problem in front of you.
Maybe that’s why I have that ice queen syndrome. It makes me look cold and impersonal, when I’m really just trying to be realistic.

He was great in sports, too, aside from being a freaking genius. He played soccer (this is the reason why I am crazy about geeks that can play team sports) and he liked to run track.

In fact, the first ‘date’ (if you could call it that) that we had was actually a morning run in Sabuga.
Anyway, to me he was like a living legend, a person of my generation that I admired, that was inspirational. In my eyes, he was, and still is, amazing. He was ambitious, clever, down to earth, and full of leadership quality. He came from humble beginnings, but managed to climb up, sky high. If you are reading this, please know that the course of my life has been forever altered by meeting you. You, and that walk from the front of my father’s office to my house, where you convinced me to pursue my college education in Bandung, and I knew I would make that happen, just so I could meet you again. And perhaps, by the tiniest chance in fate, make you mine.

And indeed, I did.


“in solitude, where we are least alone.”

The title is taken from one of the works of Lord Byron, an 16th century Brittish writer.
Before you think I’m all snooty and richy-bitchy for reading contemporary Brittish literature, I will explain that this is not the case. I actually read the quote from the novel Abraham Lincoln : Vampire Hunter, a fictional biography about Abe Lincoln that claims he was a vampire hunter.
In the story, his first love was bitten by a vampire. I think her name was Mary Todd. And on her grave, he wrote those words.
I think it is so hauntingly beautiful, and there’s a little truth to it. That in loneliness and solitude, there are so many in numbers. There are so many people feeling exactly the same way.

So, the obvious question…
Why the dark and creepy post, Ushie?

I wont go into the gory details, but let’s just say that a lot has happened during these months in between blog posts. And what i though is, turns out never was and never will be.

Its safe to say that I am completely flabbergasted and surprised. Like an emotional earthquake if you will.

And as long as everything is spinning out of control, I’m going to shut my eyes and just let it go, and let the pieces fall where they may.
I do, however, have my sights fixed on something that I’ve wanted all along. NYC.
I’ve always dreamed of living there. The last time I went there, in 2008, was a life-changing experience. To say that it altered my life goals and made me a complete person, would be a gross understatement.

I’ll never forget it. The icy cold wind, the blue seating on the bus, that homemade cheese pizza with that awful garlic spread, and the sliding metal doors on the subway. Oh, the subway…

And for the record, the last time something this devastating had happened, I found myself a distraction that was fail-proof: another guy. The nicest most kindest guy I could find. He was so warm, he was like the sun. But as we all know, that did not end up well. Quoting one of Miley Cyrus’ songs, “it burned too hot to survive.”
So I think this time around, this is the best course of action. A more constructive and prestigious distraction.
NYC, here I come.

4 days were not enough

So, predictably, I did not get to make brownies.
Despite the very fun -but brief- shopping spree with my mother where we went crazy for cooking utensils.
Since brownies don’t really need that much cooking accessories, we got what we didn’t have yet: a mixer, a scale, one of those filter things you use to smooth out flour or sugar, and a whisk.

Since I’m going home next week, I’m definitely planning to make the brownies then!!!!
Can’t wait!!

Anyway, since I can’t blog or brag about the brownies (that I didn’t get to make) I figured I would discuss about something else…

So, I’ve been in this city for 7 months now, and that’s a pretty long time to me. Yet, it somehow hasn’t grown on me yet. I still find myself eagerly waiting for the weekend, not because I don’t have to go to work, but because it means that I get to go home to Gerlong.

Ahh, Gerlong. Just stepping into my room and taking a deep, deep breath, I would already feel calm. I used to take for granted that house and everything in it, and now all I want to do is go home. Home, home, home.

Hello, again.

Its been a long time since my last post. Like, forever.. A lot of things have changed since then, most for the better.

So, a recent improvement is my sudden interest in baking. Brownies in particular.
I’m baking some this weekend, and i was going to bake last, last weekend, but due to several reasons, I ended up baking brownies from one of those instant brownie mix. The brownies that I’m going to make this weekend, however, are from scratch.

And speaking of this weekend, I’m actually taking Friday off, and since Thursday is chinese new years, it means that I get to spend 4 days at home! Yipppiiiee!!

4 days of freedom, just one and a half hours away!!

Its the attack of the Dorama

I am currently obsessed with Oguri Shun.
He’s this japanese actor who you might recognize in the people-version of the Detective Conan movie, and the guy who played Hanazawa Rui in HYD. I know its really cheesy and totally, like, 3 years too late. But, after I did some internet researching, turns out the dude’s not just a bimbo with a pretty face in the Japanase entertainment industry. He’s got some cool credentials, even though he never graduated high school. Its nice to know there are Asian people that we can look up to.


Its this new series that I’ve been watching. I might actually be quite left behind, seeing as how they’re already starting season 4, and I’ve only just started.

Anyways, the series revolves around the lives of one gang of teenagers in England, and the tagline is, They’re just your average teenagers. or something like that. Its basically about the same things that you could possibly imagine in teenage series; boyfriends, girlfriends, getting backstabbed, stepfathers who are 5 years older than you, that kind of stuff. But what really kept me on the hook was the breathtaking fashion sense, alarming amount mascara and eye make-up on the girls, and of course, the Brittish accents. I’ve been watching without subtitles, and at first it was rather annoying, but I think I sort of got the hang of it.

Albeit, they do have a lot of swearing, and nudity. It fits with the title of the series, I guess. But thats not the main focus of it. Its just nice to see something thats not totally polished with sets that have matching pillow cases and eternal happy endings. Well, just once in a while. Then after too much Skins, I just turn on the tv and swith to Disney Channel.

Wish List

I’m watching Big Bang Theory. Its HILARIOUS. Its about the two nerds, Sheldon Cooper and Leonard Hoffstaeder, who are really kooky, and the story starts when a pretty blond named Penny who works as a waitress in a coffee shop nearby (the Cupcake Factory) moves in the apartment next to theirs. Its really funny when they start to highlight the differences between Leonard and Sheldon, and Penny. Penny is really outgoing and normal, and Leonard and Sheldon are really geeky. They like playing laser-tag spy lunch (where they put up lasers like those spies when they’re stealing an important government gadget) and they have to avoid the lasers to get to a box of pizza on the other side of the lasers. They speak very eleqountly and its really funny. I can’t describe it. You just have to watch it for yourself.
My favorite part is when Sheldon Cooper is folding clothes. He uses a board!

And I’m also really interested in Sheldon’s t-shirts. They’re all so comic-ish and colourful and pop-art. I looked up his t-shirts online and there is actually a website (http://www.sheldonshirts.com/sheldon2.html)that you can buy it from! One of the items on the website was this really cute hoodie.

I am officially in love with it.