A love letter for the boys.

This is the longest I’ve been single.

But wait, don’t feel sorry for me just yet. Yeah I’m talking to you. I know you’re about to go, “Awwwww…,” and them pat me on the back.
No, actually these past few months have given me time to see the other important parts of my day that I’ve always taken for granted. Before this, they were just.. there. They merely existed, to get me though the day. And now I also see how much I’ve changed. I am not the same person I was a year ago, two years ago, and even more five years ago. I’ve changed so much, I wouldn’t even recognize myself.

And I realize that I wouldn’t be this kind of person, this better version of myself, without the influence of my companions over the years. Sure, they made me cry. They made me mad, and upset. It’s easier to blame them and to remember them for the things that went wrong. But now, looking back, I guess a lot of things went right, too.
I’m going to take a little trip to the past, and try to see things from the other side of the fence: not from where things ended and remembering things that I lost, but from the point of view that I started becoming a better person, and that I had everything to gain.

My past companions, who I’ve learned so much from.
To be fair, I’m going to list them in non-chronological order, and disguise their names using Greek mythology characters (just for the fun of it). I love ancient stuff like Greek and Egyptian mythology, their characters are just so surreal

Ares

Yes, we all know who he is. The god of war. He is known for engaging in battle and manly courage. In reality, this one wasn’t always so violent. He had a softer side to him. And from him, I learned a lot. Probably the most. With him, I learned to be compassionate (I was the ice queen in the relationship). I learned to sacrifice, for the greater good. Or better yet, to sacrifice for the good of my friends.
He, too was inhumanly intelligent. He is very passionate about everything that he cares about. And he had great courage, he stood his ground when he had an opinion, and I think that was really cool. He was also very reliable. He didn’t have any of that self-esteem issues (that I admit, I have a SLIGHT problem dealing with).
Most of those things are the exact opposite of who I was, and watching him be all those things was incredible. I never knew anyone so royal, so willing. Doing anything and everything just for the sake of it, and not expecting something in return.
Because of him, I would like to think that I am slightly more giving, less expectant of something in return. He has made me a better person by showing me that good deeds are well rewarded, in what way and when, we never know. But what counts is your intention to help. That, only that, and nothing else.
Although things didn’t end well with us, I’m glad that he’s not at war with me anymore. He was an AMAZING best friend, and (dare I write it here) I miss him. He was a great best friend. A great companion.

And just so you know, Ares, you are the reason that I could finish my college education. Maybe you didn’t realize it, but when we first met, I was actually going through a really hard time. YOU were the only thing that kept me sane.

Narcissus

A boy who fell in love with his own reflection.
From this mortal, I learned many things that I wouldn’t have figured out on my own. I learned that it is important to love yourself, sometimes more than other people. That it is okay to do what you want when you want to, regardless of what other people think. Although that may have come from the fact that he was slightly in love with himself. No one is gonna love you more than yourself, so treat yourself well, don’t force yourself to do something just for the sake of other people. Just say no.
Its also important to have ambition and carry them out, to have perseverance ito do what must be done. To aim sky high, and then sacrifice, sweat and blood, to get it.

He was incredibly intelligent and ambitious. More than most. That’s what made him so charming.

Apollo

The Greek god of the sun, and of healing.
This is the one companion that I have the most most in common with. In fact, we still contact each other. In times of need, he is the one I come to. He is my healer, my most trusted advisor. In him I have found a best friend, a brother, a guardian. And sometimes, we are so alike that I think we might be siblings from another life.
There isn’t many things that he doesn’t know about me. And I owe him so much. If you are reading this right now, please know that I owe you my sanity. The very reason that I can smile in the morning, including the day that I am writing this post, is because of you. Over and over again, you have healed my broken heart, even if you didn’t realize it at the time. And even when I didn’t have a heart anymore, you still managed to make me smile. And in the darkest hours, the most recent and life-shattering moment, you were that light at the end of my tunnel. You are indeed the sun god in my life.

“Oh, these times are hard, don’t give up on me, baby.”

Zeus

Yes, this is the dude that started it all. He is the one who set the standard for everyone that came after him. In terms of brains AND brawn. Yep, this dude had the whole package.
I met him in my 2nd year of high school, and was SMITTENED. He is in fact, the reason that I agreed to go to ITB  in the first place (although I never told him that). For him, I willingly left the city I grew up in, leaving everything and everyone I ever knew behind me.
And from this Greek god, I learned how to be mature. To accept things for the way they really are: reality. I realised that you plan and you plan, but things don’t necessarily go the way you want it to. Take things in stride, study as hard as you can, go out and see the world. That you have to be brave and try new things because if not, where you stand is the only place you’re ever gonna go.
He taught me to think logically in every situation, and put your feelings aside to solve the problem in front of you.
Maybe that’s why I have that ice queen syndrome. It makes me look cold and impersonal, when I’m really just trying to be realistic.

He was great in sports, too, aside from being a freaking genius. He played soccer (this is the reason why I am crazy about geeks that can play team sports) and he liked to run track.

In fact, the first ‘date’ (if you could call it that) that we had was actually a morning run in Sabuga.
Anyway, to me he was like a living legend, a person of my generation that I admired, that was inspirational. In my eyes, he was, and still is, amazing. He was ambitious, clever, down to earth, and full of leadership quality. He came from humble beginnings, but managed to climb up, sky high. If you are reading this, please know that the course of my life has been forever altered by meeting you. You, and that walk from the front of my father’s office to my house, where you convinced me to pursue my college education in Bandung, and I knew I would make that happen, just so I could meet you again. And perhaps, by the tiniest chance in fate, make you mine.

And indeed, I did.

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